God’s not talking and the silence is weirding me out

You should know, unlike some bloggers, I don’t have a stockpile of blog posts sitting in a computer file waiting for me to hit the publish button. I have writer friends who seem to be able to manage this and I have to admit, I’m a little jealous of them. No last-minute head scratching, wondering what in the world they’re going to write about that day? Yes, please.

But God said no. NO.

Fresh bread, He said. That’s what you’re offering your readers. We’re not baking and stockpiling loaves for the freezer that you can pull out when needed.

 

God may be silent but I already given me all the ingredients I need to do my job

 

Alrighty, then.

I’m not saying this way is better. Not at all. It’s just the way He wants me to write, at least in this season. I literally went from spending three days chiseling out a post to waking up on blogging days (Wednesdays) not having a clue what I’m going to write about.

 

  • It’s maddening

 

  • It’s liberating

 

  • It’s so stressful

 

  • It’s an adventure

 

  • I love it

 

  • I hate it

 

I look at this blog as a place to connect with my friends— a spot where I can think through what the Lord has been speaking to me and then share it with you.

 

So, what’s the problem?

 

It’s just that, lately? God’s not been talking to me. At least, not about my writing. It’s like someone snipped the telephone wires. “Temporarily disconnected,” as Bill Murray said in the movie, What About Bob?

 

He’s gone quiet on me and the silence is deafening.

 

God's not talking and it's weirding me out

 

It’s a little disconcerting, being that I’ve never had a problem hearing His voice before.

Uh, Lord? You really think this is a good time to go incommunicado? Because, hello, weekly blog posts, you said. Fresh bread? I’m gonna’ need some ingredients if I’m going to bake this morning, ’cause I got nuthin.’

 

I can almost hear Him chuckling. Pointing His finger at my pantry.

 

You already have more than you need

 

You’re busting at the seams; you’ve got a lifetime of experience to draw from. You don’t need more ingredients, you just need to use what you’ve got. Bake the bread. Write.

 

For someone who relies on a rhema word when I write, this is unnerving and yet I sense this IS a rhema word for me. I’m thinking about something John Ortberg said in his book, The Me I Want To Be:

You already know more than you need to know.  

 

You already know more than you need to know

 

We would rather cognitate on what we do not know than actually do the things we know we ought to do. Click To Tweet

 

Man, Ortberg nailed me on that one. I do love me some cognitating. (Is that a word?)

 

We would rather cognitate on what we do not know than actually do the things we know we ought to do.

Quit cognitating. Start writing.

Trust me. Trust that the words will come.

You already know more than you need to know.

 

Here’s one thing I do know:

 

Not knowing what I’m going to write about is scary. I already struggle with feeling like a fraud and this loosey-goosey editorial schedule is making it worse. Please say you understand what I’m talking about. Anyone?

I mentioned imposter syndrome in the last post, so I know some of you get it. What if people find out I’m just a sixty-seven-year-old woman with a ton of baggage who is trying to figure out how to travel light? Who uses words to make sense of things?

 

My son tagged me in an Instagram post this morning that helped me see it all in a different light:

 

When God is silent I get scared

 

I’m scared…

scared that God might not show up this time. Scared that left to my own wits I’ll have nothing to say. I could (and frequently do) beat myself up for having these doubts, but the truth is, I care. I care about being a good steward of His Word, about representing Him well. I care about you.

 

I worry…

worry that I don’t have any more words left in me; that you’ll figure out what I already suspect: I’m not really a writer. If I was, this wouldn’t be so hard, so I must be a fraud. That’s what I feel. But feeling like a fraud is not from God, it’s from the pit. What it really means is, I’m growing. Growing in my ability to dig deep and flesh out the truths He’s already spoken and then share them with others; growing in my ability to trust Him.

 

You know the funny part about all this? The ironic part? Here I am, getting all in a snit because God is silent and yet I love silence. I can go for days without talking to him. Not that I don’t spend time with Him, it’s just that I’m not always that chatty. He knows me, so I’ve always just figured He was OK with it. So now, the roles are switched. I know Him, so if He decides to be silent, I’m learning to be OK with it. It doesn’t mean He’s not there, or that He doesn’t love me.

 

God's not talking...or is He?

 

So, yea, all that to say, God’s not talking.

 

Or is He?

 

Silence, as the song says, is golden.

 

Gods silence doesnt mean hes left me. It means He trusts me

 

 

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7 thoughts on “God’s not talking and the silence is weirding me out

  • June 20, 2019 at 1:12 pm
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    I love you and your faithfulness to blog. Now if only I would start. 🙂 Could you write a blog one day on how you found the discipline to blog weekly, what helps you and some tips. Love you, Paula

    Reply
  • June 21, 2019 at 3:41 pm
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    I really reaonated with this. Thank you. A wide friend once told me “If you are waiting for God to tell you what to do, and he’s not talking, it means he trusts you to make a good choice.” Sometimes I think, like a good parent, he teaches us correct principals and then allows us to govern ourselves. Also, sometimes writing is really hard isn’t it? I’m glad you found the words for this one.

    Reply
    • June 21, 2019 at 3:43 pm
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      Yes! Sometimes I just want to leave it to others who have better words than me. But He won’t let me! ?

      Reply
  • June 24, 2019 at 12:38 am
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    He wants us to walk by faith, and that’s what you’re doing when you write from your experience.

    Reply
    • June 24, 2019 at 12:39 am
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      Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy! Was just thinking about you earlier this afternoon. Hope you and Bill are well!

      Reply
      • June 24, 2019 at 12:03 pm
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        Isn’t it great that God had us both thinking about each other today? Bill and I are doing great!

        Reply

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