Aggressive vs Assertive


It was a showdown I’ll never forget.


I was taking my daily walk around our apartment complex in Tampa, FL when I heard a loud, angry hiss that stopped me in my tracks. There in front of me was a face-off the likes of which I’d only seen in a John Wayne movie: a huge tomcat had tried to play nasty with a ferocious snapping turtle who was not in the mood to play. I watched, incredulous, as the hissing turtle (turtles hiss?) stood upright on his hind legs, (turtles can stand up?) and lunged forward, totally intimidating that tom cat who had completely misjudged its prey. The cat was assertive. The turtle was aggressive.

I found myself cheering for the turtle.


Snapping turtle is the epitome of aggressiveness


When I came home and told the story to my husband, I mentioned that I wished I could be more like that turtle; now it was his turn to be incredulous. “You ARE that turtle!” he said.

Who, me?

I’d worked hard to be more assertive… maybe too hard. Had the assertiveness I’d pursued unintentionally turned into aggression? Determined to live my life in a more balanced manner, I began to study the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I read, took notes, wrote in my journal and even now, years later, I look over those notes every so often to see how I’m doing.

OOPS, is my most frequent comment, but occasionally, I see some progress. 


I’ve come to see that assertiveness is a response while aggressiveness tends to be more a reaction.

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13 Things Grandma Knew About Hospitality

Recently I’ve been thinking about hospitality and how few people seem to actually practice it. Excuses abound and I’ve been guilty of some of them myself. I’ve wondered if maybe the perfectionist culture of magazines like Martha Stewart Living had something to do with it.


perfectionism prevents us from practicing hospitality


What if the roast burns or the souffle falls? What if our dining room doesn’t look like this? (What if we don’t have a dining room?!)

Letting others see our humanness can be pretty daunting.

Then I thought about Pinterest and all my recipe boards. Maybe pinning 500 recipes is missing the point; the point is actually pinning down a date to have people over!

Don’t get me wrong; there’s certainly nothing wrong with setting a gorgeous table or whipping up a gourmet feast if that’s something you’re good at. I did a pretty good Martha Stewart imitation myself back in the day.


12 layer Dobosh torte


But I’ve learned something over the years: Read more

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Three things to help you enjoy your summer

Here in North Carolina, the July days are long, the air is heavy and despite the fact that I’ve got some serious reading to do (serious in the sense of topic as well as quantity) I’ve been having trouble keeping my eyes open. These are, indeed, the lazy, hazy days of summer, so I’ll keep this week’s post a little shorter! Here are my three things to help you enjoy your summer…



1. Make some memories

Take a bite out of summer


The BLT’s. The corn on the cob. And the watermelon. (Personally, I believe God created watermelons to help us endure the scorching heat.) 

I know, I know… you’re watching your weight; it’s swimsuit season, I get it. Me. Too. But I’m not saying you should binge. (I may or may not have done that last summer and gained ten pounds.) If you’re prone to over-indulge (like me) one word… moderation.

It’s not about the food. What I really want to encourage you to do is to take a big ol’ bite out of summer. Sink your teeth into all it has to offer!  I thought about all this stuff this morning as I read Psalm 34:8:

“O, taste and see that the Lord is good!”

The word ‘taste’ means ‘to try the flavor; to perceive.’ God is good and He gives good gifts to His children. Be wise. Steward your health. But enjoy the bounty of the season. Celebrate with your people.

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Freedom worth fighting for

Friends, please join me in welcoming my dear friend, Becky Burgue, as she shares her thoughts about freedom on the blog today. I thought the 4th of July would be the perfect time to introduce her to you, as she is one of the most patriotic people I know. In the fight for women to find freedom, she is an unwavering warrior. Enjoy this post and then I hope you will join Becky on her porch at 7:14 am each Friday in July for Celebrating the Journey of Freedom on Facebook Live. Details at bottom of post.


True freedom is found in Christ and it's worth celebrating

It’s July again and our focus once more turns to freedom

I have always loved everything about the 4th:

The fireworks, the food, the family time, and the freedom it all represents and celebrates.


I love everything about the 4th of July



But, what does freedom mean?


liberty, liberation, release, deliverance, discharge, exemption.


slavery, captivity, confinement imprisonment incarceration.


John 8:36 says, “Therefore if the Son makes you free you shall be free indeed.”


If we belong to Christ we have freedom:

  • freedom from the yoke of slavery to sin and it’s consequences.
  • freedom to accept the gifts and blessings He offers through Jesus.
  • freedom to love because He first loved us.


We are free first to love Jesus completely and unconditionally the way He loves us- the way we all desire to be loved, with no strings attached. Only then can we truly love others.

Freedom to see ourselves through the lens of God’s love- this requires bringing pictures from the past into the light and exposing them. How can we truly love others and let them know how much God loves them if we ourselves don’t know and believe who we are in Him?

We are no different from some of the women we meet in the Bible who may have been perceived to be one thing but were used by God for His plan and purposes:


Gomer, who despite her wayward ways, God restored to Himself.

Leah, who felt inferior because of her physical features but she was chosen to bear Judah through whose lineage our Savior came.

Naomi, who allowed feelings to overshadow her relationship with God but those feelings were turned to facts when God drew her into a deeper relationship with Him.

Mary, mother of Jesus, who was too young or Elizabeth or Sara who were who were too old.

Lydia, a smart and prosperous businesswoman, who had time to worship God.

Esther, an orphan who for “such a time as this” relied totally on God and not on the props of the world.

and we could go on….

Women just like us who seemingly had everything going for them or who literally had nothing going for them. 


God can use each of us and will if we let Him.


So what lies are you still believing about yourself that prevent you from living in freedom?

Are you looking at the # on a scale, the outfit you choose, the hair cut or color, your age or stage or abilities, the position in the church or the community; your status on Facebook or the number of followers you have on Instagram or twitter, the Pinterest perfect life you try to portray or your relationships to define you?

Do you push the play button and hear those thoughts that say you are not enough and you never will be?

Do you play the comparison game or fall into the what if or why me trap?


When asked to describe yourself would you or do you sometimes say:


I’m so…

I’ll never be…

I’m too…

I’m just like…

I’ll never change from…

That’s just the way I am…

I’ll always be…

I’m not as good as…


I have good news for you, friends



You can be free of all of that and you can know and rest in your identity as an adopted child of God. My son Peter, who is now 36, kept me on my knees and still does; as a toddler he would wake up and say, “mommy, mommy, the dark has opened up!”

Wow, who talks like that; who thinks like that? And when I would ask him, “Who are you?” he would reply with hands waving above his head, “Peter Burgue, Child of God!” Oh, to have that confidence!


Freedom to go First

First, go boldly before the throne of grace and mercy acknowledging who He is, a righteous and Holy God who desires relationship and who we are, sinners in need of a savior! Our world bombards us with images of what we need and what we deserve. The Bible tells us a different story, of grace, God’s unmerited favor, completely undeserved but freely given. The last shall be first and the first shall be last- that’s good news for us moms. You are a daughter of the King and you know what that means- a princess.

John Eldridge describes little girls who twirl until someone notices- we are those little girls- we may look all grown up but that same desire to be seen, heard, and loved still exists in each of us. When we go first to the Father who desires to give us every good gift, everything else falls into place.


We all want to be seen, heard and loved


Freedom to Care

First, for myself so I’ll be able to care for others. Self-care is very important. It took me a long time to learn that and I must confess to you I’m still not very good at it. Don’t feel guilty about it. Make it a priority, put in your planner. Schedule it and keep the appointment. When we think we have to be everything to everyone they will never recognize their need for Jesus and we are actually saying we can do it all without Him. Give yourself permission to rest, permission to fail and permission to grieve. He is everything. He is for you. He is more than enough!


Freedom to find and foster friendships

First, with Him and then with others- we are designed for community. We need a safe place to share and to be real and to realize we are not on this journey alone. We have an enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy and one of the ways he does that is through isolation, comparison, and self-condemnation.

Get in community with others who are studying the truth. Share your story of God’s redemptive power in your life. Recognize toxic relationships and pray for real friendship, relationships that restore, refresh and bring energy rather than drain and deplete.

What do you wish someone had told you when you were younger? Find a younger woman and tell her, teach her, train her, and find an older woman and ask her, listen to her, and learn from her.


We need and should seek friendship


Freedom to be the me He designed me to be.

Discover your purpose- the one He has had for you before you came to be. Read and meditate on Psalm 139.


Freedom to celebrate our journey

In my personal journey of marriage, motherhood and mentoring, there have been lots of ups and downs: anorexia, autism, Asperger’s, alcoholism, and Alzheimer’s, and those are just the A’s of my journey. A few years ago I read and then led a study on Ann Voskamp’s book 1,000 gifts and if you haven’t read it I highly recommend it.  If we would write down 3 gifts every day at the end of a year, we would have 1,000.  I started the practice and have never stopped, and I actually post mine on Facebook every night; it has taught me to see God’s gifts in every little detail of the day and has totally changed the way I see even the toughest trials.


Freedom allows me to:

* be fully present and enjoy the moment.

* fully experience the firsts the lasts and all that is in between.

* look at each changing situation or circumstance and rejoice in the Lord who never changes.

* ask Him what He wants me to learn in each of these tough places. 

* celebrate, to rejoice, to be full of joy and gladness.

* live the shorter catechism answer for what is the chief end of man? “to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever”


You can be free, too!

The answer to your longing for freedom is found in Jesus. “… if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

(That word “indeed” means ‘in fact, in reality, in truth’…) Does this sound like something you might want to be your truth? Your reality?

The greatest gift to celebrate is the gift of Salvation. For God (our Father in heaven) so loved the world (you and me) that he gave ( a gift he bestowed on us) His one and only son (precious and perfect Jesus) that we might not perish (the consequence we really deserve) but have eternal life (a gift freely given but so completely undeserved) John 3:16 Amplified

Those are the facts, the reality, and the truth.

So, as you enjoy all the festive things about the 4th of July this weekend, take time to remember that freedom isn’t free. A price was paid for your freedom and a price was paid for the freedom you have in Christ. It is my prayer that you have and are enjoying that freedom and that you realize Jesus paid the price.


My freedom friend

Becky is a repurposed teacher with a lifetime of experience relating to people of every age and stage. Her enthusiasm is contagious as she shares a message of hope and life. Her motto is, “Celebrate the journey; don’t wait for the destination” and her pictures from the past have become possibilities for the future.

Wife to Pete and mother to Christina and Peter, mother-in-love to Jennifer, and grandmother to Saint, treasure hunter and up-cycler, lover of the afternoon latte and a great read, she can be found most days on her back porch.

Becky is available to speak for retreats, luncheons, and other events, and to lead workshops and times of prayer. Please contact her at: or 813-961-2810. Or visit her website at Visit her on Facebook at:’t-Wait-for-the-Destination.

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God’s not talking and the silence is weirding me out

You should know, unlike some bloggers, I don’t have a stockpile of blog posts sitting in a computer file waiting for me to hit the publish button. I have writer friends who seem to be able to manage this and I have to admit, I’m a little jealous of them. No last-minute head scratching, wondering what in the world they’re going to write about that day? Yes, please.

But God said no. NO.

Fresh bread, He said. That’s what you’re offering your readers. We’re not baking and stockpiling loaves for the freezer that you can pull out when needed.


God may be silent but I already given me all the ingredients I need to do my job


Alrighty, then.

I’m not saying this way is better. Not at all. It’s just the way He wants me to write, at least in this season. I literally went from spending three days chiseling out a post to waking up on blogging days (Wednesdays) not having a clue what I’m going to write about. Read more

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