“All I want to do is sleep”
A friend texted me in tears this morning. Unable to overcome the waves of anxiety and depression, she’d stepped out of the office and was hiding in the hallway, trying desperately to stop crying. “Nothing helps besides sleep,” she wrote. “I just want to go home and sleep.”
My heart broke for her. I remember hiding in the restroom at work, trying to control my own flow of tears. It felt like 5:00 would never come and all I wanted to do was to cry myself to sleep. Wake me when it’s over; like a turtle, I wanted to hibernate.
Imagine being able to simply shut down and snooze for a long period every year –doesn’t that sound heavenly? Preferably right after the last leaves fall until, oh, I don’t know… April 16th? Works for me.
“The opposite of depression isn’t happiness; it’s vitality.”
Depression used to drain the life out of me.
Four years ago, on May 12, 2014, my life radically changed, but the seeds for that change were sown in January 2013. Here’s a partial journal entry from that day:
- Decimating mountains of fear
- Obliterating depression
- Pulverizing despair
- Dismantling lack
- Annihilating anxiety
- Building hope muscles
- Training my mind to think positive thoughts
- Rebuking the victim mentality
- Shaking off discouragement
- Stomping on old habits
- Parting ways with the pity party
- Stepping out into the future.
- Lack is not part of my vocabulary
- Stressed is not in my thesaurus
- Blessed is how I describe myself
I am rich: rich in favor, finances, in spiritual wisdom, in relationships, in all my endeavors.
I WAS MISERABLE.